Oh hello here we go.
Get me I’m starting this instalment from hospital on an
iPhone. Thanks Bruv but I will be returning it to you when I get my new phone,
I’m such an apple-fobe.
I couldn’t quite manage the full dose of the chemotherapy drugs that they left with me on Thursday of last week.
I couldn’t quite manage the full dose of the chemotherapy drugs that they left with me on Thursday of last week.
I had two different drugs during the day and a third one to
come home with in a pump for 5 days and it was this 5fu intravenous
chemotherapy drug that decided to make me ill. I'll admit it, scarily ill.
Enough for me to say to the wife on Tuesday, “I can't cope
with this babe, I want to go to hospital". Me. Wanting to spend time somewhere
where I'm going to be spending a lot of time soon enough! I must have been bad.
The infrastructure, the backbone, by which I mean the nurses
and doctors at Poole are excellent and they all said that I had done the right
thing in coming in and they took the chemo pump off, flushed my PICC line then
connected 4off 1 litre bags of essential fluids over the next 2 days because of
the level of dehydration I had endured.
I slept.
Hmm that's what happens when you can't swallow is it? Yep.
So I had to loose the pump a day early, it was only 1 day, I think I did rather well, you know you can never really understand what these poisons do to you, until it has been done to you and I don't want anyone that I know and love to have to go through it. They do say that everyone reacts differently so maybe the next people we meet, the 1 in 3, will not have to suffer the pain, anguish and stench of the poisons excreting themselves from every pore of their body as I have. It was so unbelievably great to feel well enough to stand under the shower and remove the layers of noxious ooze that had deposited its self upon me.
So I had to loose the pump a day early, it was only 1 day, I think I did rather well, you know you can never really understand what these poisons do to you, until it has been done to you and I don't want anyone that I know and love to have to go through it. They do say that everyone reacts differently so maybe the next people we meet, the 1 in 3, will not have to suffer the pain, anguish and stench of the poisons excreting themselves from every pore of their body as I have. It was so unbelievably great to feel well enough to stand under the shower and remove the layers of noxious ooze that had deposited its self upon me.
So I came home on Friday, eager to try and carry on with my
re-cooperation at home, even though it is to be around this time, days 10 to
14, that my white blood cell count is at its lowest and I am now most
susceptible to infection, but I do not want to miss any more than I have to of
my family and creature comforts. Anyway, who is to say that my home is not a
cleaner/safer place for me to be right now? As for my creature comforts, that
would include this, my beautiful wifes’ laptop, my sounding board, my post to
the world. It’s so much easier to blog from than an iPhone and when I switched
it on to do so I found a couple of paragraphs that I had composed before I went
to the hospital on Tuesday, paragraphs that I wasn’t sure whether I would
publish here or not.
But I will, as I want this to be a true record of how I have
felt and at that time, I felt like this:
Ok.
Chemo Day 5.
Holy shit.
I know they said it
wasn’t gonna be a “walk in the park” but fuck me it’s hard.
Stop moaning you big
girls blouse, loads of people have to do this and it will all be worth it in
the end (just look at your kids). Even if you can’t taste anything any good at
the mo, what you can taste is chemo drugs and smell them I swear I stink of the
stuff its secreting out of my skin. It’s hanging around me like a cloud.
Maybe I’ll be feeling
better on Wednesday when this pump gets disconnected and I no longer have a
continuous feed of this poison trickling into me.
Day 6
I can’t stand this
barbaric form of torture anymore.
Was it not for the love
of my beautiful wife and children I would be searching for the easy way out,
I’m such a Lame-ass.
I’ve started to
dribble from every orifice and that is SO not pleasant. The stench about me is
just getting worse and yet my darling wife can still find reasons to love me
and to make me “feel” better about it. I love you Rebecca.
On day 6, I gave up trying to cope, threw in the towel, and got
my beautiful wife to take me to hospital.
Remember we are now on day 10 and I came out of the hospital
yesterday, to my own bed. I’m not
feeling perfect by any stretch of the imagination and I have many more pills
but I have got my sense of positivity and taste back, beans on toast never
tasted so good.
This is me Steve Royal. Coming through chemotherapy round 1.
Have a week.
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