Well this was unexpected.
I was doing so well,
my trachea accessory, the tube, came out so perfectly last Friday and the hole
in my neck is healing really well, so the district nurses tell me, I personally
have not yet seen the stoma site, I thought I should wait until it had closed
up a little first before I go examining another scar on my body. My ability to
sleep had greatly improved too, being able to turn your head from side to side,
without having something sticking out the front of your neck waiting to collide
with the edge of your pillow and making you cough, is something you tend to
take for granted. It’s such a relief to be free from it however, there was
mention of it earlier making a re-appearance but that was a worse case
scenario.
So why am I here?
Yesterday I had a moment where all was not right, I felt faint at some point in
the afternoon and I think I passed out. Fortunately I had the foresight to get
to my bed. I came around over an hour later and still I felt wrong
somehow. Medication, food, drink and
more medication followed but this time the relief from pain was all over far
too soon and I found myself requiring more meds before my own medical chart
would let me. (Yes, that’s right, my own medical chart. I’m not sure if it’s
the engineer brain, my need to be logical or perhaps the fact that many believe
I’m on the spectrum that made it happen, but I found myself making my own
bespoke charts up to fill in daily so that I can keep track of my pain level,
meds, blood pressure (I bought a machine), pulse, temperature, drinks, food,
wee’s and pooh’s (utilizing the Bristol stool chart too) as I am finding it a
lot harder to remember when all these things have been done or need doing.)
This meant I would be waiting for the time when I could have more drugs, nearly
2 hours waiting, I know it’s not long but when the chart reads a pain score of
12 out of 10 for this long, you really do run out of things to do to try and
keep your mind from it and invariably you tend to crack, break down and cry.
Time arrives for the next dose and I eagerly consume the medicine as if taking
it quickly is going to make it work quickly, 20 minutes pass and I feel the
effects creep in, slowly and trying not to move (as I believe in this tender
state of mind that moving somehow reduces the affect fullness of the dose) I
slip off to sleep hoping that the medicines will last until the next allotted
dosage time. Alas this was not to be and in the wee small hours of the morning
I’m tossing and turning, full of pain and again a good 2 hours short of where I
need to be. This is how all of today continued, yet the straw that broke this
camels back was the inability to manoeuvre this evenings meal around between my
teeth in that necessary action we like to call chewing and no chewing means no
proper eating. This too, is not good.
What is good is that
I’ve just had my first I.V. antibiotics so let’s see how this very night pans
out. It’s 0100hrs and I’m off for a wee, (I’ll tick the box on my chart) then
I’ll try to sleep. See you in the morning.
Morning may the forth be with you, and me.
I guess that today I shall be mostly spending the day
waiting. Waiting for my drip to be removed, waiting for the doctors to come
round, waiting for the pharmacy to dish out some antibiotics for me to take
home and waiting to be told I can go home. Then I’ll be waiting for a lift
home. There is enough people in this country waiting for the NHS to sort them
out and I feel like I am taking up the space that somebody else more in need
should have. After all, there is not that much wrong with me.
This is me Steve Royal, on a slight set back waiting to get
home and cut the grass.
Have a week.
